Mala Ordina: "The Italian Connection" indeed.

Two things have happened since I started watching Fernando Di Leo films. First, Di Leo has become one of my favorite directors. Second, Mario Adorf has become one of my favorite actors. At this point, if the two are collaborating, I take it for granted that I'm about to watch a superb film.


"La Mala Ordina" concerns a lowly pimp named Luca Canali. Despite his profession, he's a fairly decent fellow, pimping so he can pay for his daughters education and aid his ex-wife financially. A heroin deal somewhere up the mob ladder goes wrong and somehow he gets fingered as the one who fouled things, so the New York branch of the mob send two stone-cold killers (Played by the supremely menacing duo of Silva and Strode) to track and kill Canali. Desperate for answers, Canali fights back against the very organization he was once a lowly peon of, leading to all hell breaking loose.

                      First impression: I would not want these two gunning for me.

Once again, like in "Milano Calibro 9", several things stand out. The characters, the camera work, the music, and the sense of predestined tragedy. No matter how much the characters in this movie fulfill their roles, no matter how much they rail against the forces that antagonize them, they're all speeding to the same conclusion. The characters themselves feel as though they've whole histories to them, as though they're real people. Woody Strode doesn't even have much dialogue (At least not compared to his trash-talking partner) and yet everything you need to know about him comes through in his facial expressions and how he interacts with people.
Mario Adorf, like in Calibro, is just fantastic. When he feels agony over failing at something, or inordinate rage over a crime committed against him, you feel with him. It's rare that someone has a face as expressive as his, it's fascinating simply in how it moves...his face...yeah, okay, creepy. But true!
As I mentioned, the camera-work in this movie is just bloody phenomenal. Combined with the editing, it results in some of the most dynamic action sequences I've ever seen. There's one scene in particular, a car chase, that is NOT to be missed. The soundtrack, while not as epic as the film's predecessor, is still damn catchy. More in a funky exploitation vein than Calibro's brooding progressive overtures. Though considering the more action-y tone of the film, it definitely suits it.

                        Did I mention the crazy hippy parties? No? For shame!

Yes, they're plenty of hippies in the film. Complete with blue-fro wigs like the one pictured above. These scenes come complete with faux-Beatles music playing in the background (Since 70's hippy orgies aren't complete without the Beatles and/or Beatles wannabes supplying the ambient tunes).
Now, whereas Melville definitely influenced Calibro (And Mala Ordina for sure) you get a definite Friedkin impression here. "The French Connection" came out one year prior to this and the success it had must have reverberated within the Italian film industry. It almost feels as though "Mala Ordina" were intended to top French Connection in terms of sheer intensity and excitement. In the States it was even titled "The Italian Connection" (And now you see where the title of this review came from! Aren't I clever? Gosh, I know I am! I don't need you telling me! STOP PANDERING!).

And you know, for me, this whups "The French Connection". It may not have the same mythic quality that Calibro radiates, but I'll be damned if Mala Ordina isn't an excellent piece of film-making.

4.5/5

Something I noticed, J&B seems to be the only thing they drank in 70's Italy. Product placement, or simply the choice drink of mafioso's at the time?

Milano Calibro 9: Italian badassery like you've never bloody well seen it.

Milano Calibro 9 (Or simply Caliber 9 in English) is the kind of movie they don't seem to make anymore. It's Film Noir filtered through another country's psyche, twenty years after the States stopped producing filmic nihilism. It goddamn drips testosterone off your TV screen and puts the likes of Tarantino or even Frank Miller to shame. They got nothing on Fernando Di Leo.


Caliber 9 opens with a trade-off that goes terribly wrong, resulting in thirty-thousand dollars going missing. Three years later, a fellow named Ugo Piazza emerges from prison on good conduct, only to be picked up by ex-partner in crime Rocco (A perfectly over the top Mario Adorf). Turns out Ugo was in on the trade and Rocco and his employer (A shadowy man known only as "The Americano") believe he stashed the money before getting arrested.
Ugo is harangued until he rejoins the Americano's ranks in order to prove his supposed innocence, and all kinds of hell breaks loose.

                        You don't wanna annoy these guys. They've got dynamite.

This movie is straight-up epic. It features some of the most intense and over the top sequences I have ever seen in bloody anything. The opening perfectly sets the psychotic tone of the movie and it just keeps getting better from there on. It's also jam-packed with great characters, from the ferociously loyal yet petulant Rocco to this pair of cops who spend most of their time arguing right-wing vs left-wing. Our hero Ugo (Played by stone-faced Gastone Moschin) himself is a supremely badass guy. Half the time I found it hard to believe any of the people threatening him had the gall to do so.
(On a side note, I don't think I've ever seen anyone smoke a cigarette quite as uniquely as Ugo Piazza).
The film's soundtrack is something else as well. Done by progressive rock band Osanna, it gives the film a total 70's flavor and further adds to the absurd amounts of epic. The camera-work as well is just to die for. The way the actors are framed in the shots or how some of the action was shot feels as though the camera was on the verge of shattering due to the intensity on screen.
And boy does the script have layers! Not only is the dialogue hard-edged and snappy, but there's a lot one can glean from the interactions between characters. Honestly, I think I'd probably have to watch the film again to fully grasp some of the reactions these men have. This coupled with the flow of the story and the events that occur, of betrayal and brotherhood, give the whole film a Shakespearian feel.

                               Now, do you really think you'd tell this guy off?

 Now the film does definitely feel influenced by Jean-Pierre Melville, but it never feels derivative of his works. If anything, it honors the man's crime films by having a distinct feel to it, rather than simply aping the man's films. There are also some admittedly B-movie-esque moments (A guitar solo playing over a sex-scene comes to mind) but they don't feel out of place. The film essentially sets itself up as being insane in the first 10 minutes, so anything after is fair game.
If anything works against it, it's possibly the aforementioned political cops. One's a snide bastard who wishes for all criminals to die and hounds Piazza non-stop. The other views the current system of punishment as inherently flawed and essentially has a communist world-view. The film, on occasion, cuts to them in their offices and the audience is treated to political debate. This happens infrequently enough that it doesn't slow the movie down, but it doesn't quite fit into the context of the rest of the film.
The film's also got a spaghetti western feel to it, but considering Di Leo had written many entries into the genre prior to directing Calibro, that's hardly surprising.

Overall, if you like your crime films (Or films in general) extra epic, with heaping servings of machismo and man-love, then you've gotta see this movie. It's tops.

5/5

Now I just have to track down the soundtrack...

The New World: Quite the Journey.

It was early on in the viewing, about maybe thirty minutes in when I found myself thinking "I could honestly watch this man's movies day in and day out, and not do anything else." This said only having seen "Days of Heaven" prior to "The New World", but nonetheless, I stand by that statement. After seeing this movie, I lamented every time I passed up a chance to buy "The Thin Red Line" or rent out my store's copy of "Badlands", and now intend to sprint to theaters to see "The Tree of Life".

"The New World" is the tale of the establishment of Jamestown in 1600's Virginia. It's also a love story, a tale of paradise lost, and one woman's journey from within the heart of her people into the minds of an alien populace.
The film begins with the settling of Jamestown by a group of bedraggled British colonists (Led by the regal yet vaguely sinister Christopher Plummer) and the release of John Smith, a supposed trouble-maker (Played by the ever-so rugged Colin Farrell). Plummer leaves with the ships, vowing to return with more people come Spring, leaving a petulant David Thewlis with the heavy mantle of leadership. Smith is then promptly sent out on an expedition to find the Natives and attempt trading with them.
After a slight journey, he finds them (Or rather, they find him) and he encounters Pocahontas (Q'orianka Kilcher in her break-out role) daughter of the local chief. They begin a romance that seems doomed from the start, despite their love for one another, and tragedy ensues.

                              Movie's bloody chock-full of shots this beautiful.

Now, my brief summary up there, it doesn't really do the film justice. Anyone who's seen it or hell, seen any other films by Malick, knows that telling someone what a Malick film is about is one thing, whereas actually experiencing it is completely different. It's almost seems a portal, not a film, giving us glimpses not only into the past, but into the unconscious of the Americas. As though he is somehow able to pick up psychic strains, the memories of the wounded past, and transcribe them to film.

I once described "Days of Heaven" as an American fable. "The New World" feels like a shared dream, a skein of relived memories. It's a journey, chronicling the birth of a new era and leading up into a realization of sorts, a transcendence.
And now that I'm done being a pretentious Schmuck (Which is how I feel re-reading that bit, though I must admit to liking it quite a lot), I'll get down to using more banal vernacular to describe why this movie is a masterpiece. Yes, I said it, it's a fucking masterpiece.
The cinematography is orgasm inducing. The acting is naturalistic and the performances wonderfully nuanced. It blends popular myth with historical accuracy, resulting in something that feels somehow more true than any simple documentary or history book and the attention to detail is bloody astounding.
But, in a way, none of that matters. I mean, it does, but it doesn't. And I'm not making sense, dear god. Just do yourself a favor and GO SEE/RENT/BUY THIS MOVIE!

                                A wild Farrell appears!..Okay, that was weak.

Another fun highlight is to note how schizophrenic European society is as displayed via the colonists. Sure, they brought the evils of liquor, currency, and alien ailments with them into America, but more than that, you get a sense of the mindset brought over as the most damaging thing. The film really rams home that we, white people, are INSANE.  Not all of us, but the majority...though I suppose that can simply be said about mankind as a whole.
Now, is there anything bad about "The New World"? Gee, let me think. Well, ya know, if you're impatient, then maybe. But then why in the fuck are you even watching a Terrence Malick film? Go away man, just skedaddle.

5/5

Seriously, why haven't you already seen this?

Gallic Scorsese flick: Initial Impressions.

So, I watched Mesrine partie 1: L'Instinct de Mort tonight. Though I liked bits of it and didn't like other bits of it, I feel as though I can't properly review damn thing until I've seen Partie 2. In a way it felt like half a movie. So, without further ado, I give you a stream of consciousness summary of how I felt throughout it!

Algeria, rough times. Scorsese, Goodfellas. Entertaining sex-scenes. Suave fellow this Mesrine. Wow, Mesrine's a cunt, ain't he? Damnnnnnnn that guy got sticked. Wow, spousal abuse. Whoa, Cecile De France is pretty badass.
Hey, I live there! Prison, derp. Prison, geez, super-prison more like it. THEY GOT OUT LIKE THAT!?!?!? No way..they're going back? With M16's?!?!

And thus ended Partie 1. It had it's ups and downs, but was overall a solid crime-flick. We'll see if it's second half holds up very soon.

Norwegian Ninja: Not as Ninjatastic, though very Norwegian.

Let me start this out by stating a fact that will be very prevalent throughout this review. I really really REALLY really direly truly WANTED...to love this movie. Unfortunately, I had trouble wholly embracing it. Even when tears of pure mirth pricked my eyelids, I found my mouth-twisting into a half-frown again and again. Something was off dear readers, and even now I'm not wholly sure what.


Norwegian Ninja (Or Kommandor Treholt Ninjatroppen, depending on your nationality or the country your viewing it in) is based around the Arne Treholt scandal that rocked Norway in the eighties. Arne Treholt was a politician and diplomat who was accused of treason, leaking information to the Soviets near the final years of the Cold War. Despite slightly vague evidence, he received 20 years in prison and to this day is the subject of much political debate in Norway.
Now, this film supposes that in truth, Arne Treholt was the leader of a ninja force established in the 60's (Or thereabouts, judging from the commune hippy-dippy style of the island they inhabit) to defend Norway against threats from within and without. The film opens with them investigating U-boat sightings and eventually uncovering the plot that will eventually find Arne Treholt framed and sent to jail and Norway in flames, ripe for American take-over. (I kid you not)

                                                          Ninjutsu abound!

Now, one thing this movie definitely has going for it is how well it knows it's bad ninja movies. You've got ninja's vanishing in smoke-clouds at least once every ten or fifteen minutes. Shuriken's are wagged around in camera, and there's even an initiation ceremony to become a REAL ninja.
The ninja's themselves are pretty much new-age hippies. They reside on an island (Defended by a Feng-Shui barrier) and spend their time frolicking with animals and growing their own food while preaching the benefits of being "One with the Cosmos".  As you can tell, the sense of humor is pretty wackadoo.
You also get the sense that the director (Thomas Capellen Malling) is having a blast poking at otherwise serious-faced politics. An extra dimension is added to the film somewhat in that recent news concerning the actual case points to the possibility of Treholt actually being framed, lending something almost sweet to the film, as though it's a love-letter to a scapegoat. A big "Fuck you" to a government that lynched one of it's own servants.

Unfortunately, these otherwise neat things are somewhat hampered by a perhaps too self-conscious sense of humor and a blatant aping of a certain other directors style.

                                    Ninja S&M, Norway breaks new ground!

This movie absolutely REEKS of Wes Anderson. Now, I bloody well adore Anderson's films (I almost own them all, ALMOST!), but unfortunately for Norwegian Ninja, it runs perilously close to taking entire scenes from "Life Aquatic" and even stealing a shot from "Darjeeling Limited". Now, I'm all for people taking more cues from Anderson's film-making (Not that I can imagine them doing so without it being blatantly obvious, the man's films being so idiosyncratic), but Norwegian Ninja simply seems to imitate utterly rather than take inspiration.
The film also suffers from something I found Rodriguez's "Machete" and pretty much ever Tarantino movie suffers from. It's far too self-conscious of what it's trying to do. In general, what makes B-movies hysterically funny (Or sometimes unbelievably cool) is how sincerely they were trying to be good. Or rather, how little the producers cared for the quality of the film. Most films that seem to clutch for the grindhouse ideal, that oh so intangible "Je ne sais-quoi" that turns the most well-intended epic into an unintentional comedy of seeming genius, just fall flat. Norwegian Ninja doesn't exactly fall flat, but it's a far-cry from the likes of "Black Dynamite" or "Hobo with a Shotgun". Hell, even "Dead Snow" (Same folks produced Norwegian Ninja) is like, a bajillion goddamn times better.
It doesn't help the films case that the actors themselves seem far too aware of how cheesy the film is intended to be. I mean, I know the sodding thing's a comedy, but it hardly seems funny when one keeps expecting the actors themselves to break down snickering about the sheer absurdity of what they're featured in!...Or maybe that's just me being a nit-picker...ah bollocks.
All in all, it's with heavy heart I say this, but Norwegian Ninja doesn't quite make the cut. It's funny, but in a mildly off way. I truly wish to believe that the film has a heart to it of sorts, in fact I'm sure it does. I just feel that it beats irregularly, making for a movie that would've been possibly better suited to a short comedy sketch rather than a feature. Still, if you're hungry for a quirky and utterly ridiculous comedy, it couldn't hurt to check this out. It definitely puts to shame 90% of all the other comedies you'll find currently stocked at your nearest video-store.

3.5/5

On a more positive note, the soundtrack was pretty bitchin'.

Criterion. I've and important announcement to make!

I would actually murder people for you if you sent me a free copy of this. So yeah, if there's anyone who's been irking you lately Criterion, send their address my way with a copy of this on Bluray. Okay? Good, glad that's off my chest.

Never Let Me Go. Not as emotionally gripping as the title would have you believe.

Ah, Never Let Me Go, you odd duck of a film. You masquerade as a wistful pastoral piece with sci-fi trappings, begging for philosophical debate. It's rather unfortunate that your science-fiction trappings are what truly hamper you, considering there seems to be a decent movie at the core of it.

Based on the novel by Kazuo Ishiguro, NLMG presupposes that in the 50's, medical technology has an important breakthrough which allows for people to live longer and healthier lives. This breakthrough (SPOILER WARNING: Since I can't really talk about this sodding movie without discussing this bit, not that the movie keeps it secret really.) is that human cloning is perfected, and thus clones are created with the sole purpose of harvesting their organs at a later date for transplanting into less-healthy less-cloney people. For reasons that are beyond me, and seem utterly sadistic, these clones are raised as normal human beings, albeit, monitored by whatever sinister government agencies condoned their creation, until the day comes for them to have their insides cut out.
The film follows the friendship of three such clones and traces their lives from childhood to their final days. Their struggles, their discovery of romance etc,etc.

                          Our 3 heroes, watching paint dry (Presumably).

Now, what truly anchors Never Let Me Go is the performances of the three leads. They aren't the only good performances in the film, but from them you get a true sense of character. They feel like genuine people and despite the somewhat ridiculous gimmick the plot carries like a monkey on its back(More on that later), they really give the film something of an emotional veracity. Carey Mulligan in particular is standout as our viewpoint character, Kathy, with a rather subdued performance. The weariness apparent on her face is simply striking, as though she is utterly resigned to her fate from the start. Knightley and Garfield give it their all as well, leading to some really strong scenes.
It also helps that the cinematography is absolutely fucking gorgeous. Some of the shots look like paintings. Despite my finding this movie mediocre overall, if I had some of these shots laminated in poster form, I'd gladly hang them up in my living room. If only to produce feelings of melancholia and nostalgia in friends who came to visit me. (They would be doing a far better job than the movie did, I'll tell ya that).

                                      And now they're watching the ocean....
   
Unfortunately, as I mentioned prior, this movie is severely hampered by one thing in particular. That science-fiction concept that's the heavy focus of the plot? Well, I just can't believe it. Within the realm of the film, it feels utterly unreal, as though another film was being screened at the same time and somehow bled into NLMG.
Somewhat like the "Dream Infiltration" in Inception, the science bits of NLMG are really simply there to allow the writer to tell a certain kind of story. Unlike Inception, the world of NLMG simply doesn't lend itself to the very concept it's built around. Watching it, I couldn't believe that this had actually happened, not even the none-clone characters in the film could believe it. And the fact that they would raise these clones as human beings? Well, obviously medical technology jumping leaps and bounds has transmogrified mankind into a race of bloody sadists! Or so the film would have us believe. This coupled with jargon related to the concept (You don't die if you're a donor, you "Complete") further estranged me from actually caring for the characters on some level. While the performances do keep it from sinking into utter torpor, it still leaves you feeling somewhat removed.
And then there's the film score. I haven't heard a film-score that so desperately wanted you to feel in unison with it in ages. It's like the film refuses to allow your own interpretation of any of the scenes, holding up cue-cards that say "Cry now" or "You should feel really REALLY thankful you aren't going to die before you're middle-aged".
In effect, what could have been a rather compelling coming of age tale ends up a rather awkward pseudo-scifi. Like "These are the Damned" meets "Remains of the Day". It can't seem to decide what it wants to be, and ends up feeling contrived and somewhat tedious to go through.

What this gimmicky bit of the plot was meant to achieve, I'm uncertain. To illustrate the ephemeral yet valuable nature of life? To hyper-compress the lives of three individuals, showing them go through the spring, autumn and winter of their lives while still being teens? It almost doesn't matter by the end, since if you've stayed till the tend, I'm sure it's because you're emotionally involved with the characters rather than actually interested in where the plot is going. Just note the "Meh" taste in your mouth when you're done watching.

3/5

Maybe I just think more highly of our species. More than Mr. Ishiguro obviously does, or did when writing this. However, one should note that I've yet to read the novel.

Sucker Punch: A damned sight more clever than you might think.

For the record, I think Zack Snyder is sort of idiotic. The 300's propaganda-laced nature could have only not been obvious to someone who either hailed from a planet or plane of reality other than Earth or a daft bugger who had spent far too much time living in a hole underground to notice the ongoing West/Middle-East conflict. That and he somehow managed to miss the entire point of Watchmen.("It's about a bad guy who takes over the world, DERP") That was an actual quote by the way.
Thus, I went into Sucker Punch without an oodle of hope, thinking "Meh, at least I'll get to see some scantily clad femme fatales mowing down German Zombies." And actually, that statement ended up being correct, but...not quite. What I didn't count on was this turning out to be his best, and most auteuristic film.

Sucker Punch follows the woeful tragedy of one aptly named "Babydoll", a pig-tailed toy of a girl who's malevolent step-father ships her off to an insane asylum after she accidentally shoots her sister whilst trying to save her from the aforementioned step-father (Yikes). Once there, it turns out that due to illicit dealings Mr. Evil Father-Figure makes with a slimy orderly, Babydoll is set to soon be lobotomized.
In order to cope with her current environs, Babydoll fantasizes that she has actually been sold to a burlesque brothel of sorts, and that she and the other girls are all entertainers, forced to dance and whore their bodies out for Blue, orderly in truth, but imagined as a slick pimp showman in Babydoll's skewed sense of reality. Forced to perfect an individualistic(Ha) erotic dance in order to please clientele, she ends up further abstracting things by now imagining herself in Ancient Japan, meeting with a fairly wizened dude who tasks her with finding 6 items that will win her her freedom. upon returning to her prior fantasy (Dream within a dream anyone?) she rallies the other girls about her, convincing them that these items hold the key to their freedom.
Babydoll's plan for acquiring these items? She distracts the men who possess said items with her apparently irresistible dancing techniques while her girl-friends scurry about pick-pocketing these scuzzy fellas. These scenes manifest themselves as absurd and over the top battle scenes waged between the girls (Dressed like various fetishist fantasies) and armies of zombies, orcs, and robots. No, before you ask, I'm not fucking with you.

                                            FALCON PUNCH!!!!!!!!!

Sucker Punch's plot is absurd. It almost seems as though it were cooked up by a 15 year-old boy who decided to write a screenplay while under the influence of every psychotropic he had access to, with eighties speed-metal playing in the background. Now, side-note. It's kinda fucking awesome.

The movie is essentially a deconstruction of the female role in action movie pop-culture, and the fetishism of warrior maidens in things ranging from anime to videogames. It's a movie about audience expectation being turned onto it's head and beaten to death by the very girls it was ogling.
Now, maybe I give Snyder too much credit. Granted, this may all be a big mistake on his part, an unintentional work of mild genius, but I digress, back to my point about what makes Sucker Punch special. It caters to it's target audience while simultaneously making a mockery of it. This is where the burlesque imagery comes in. Though this is definitely a boys movie, the most reprehensible characters in the movie are all slimy boys themselves. In effect, the typical male audience is watching a movie which vilifies them, most likely without them even grasping this. Hence the title.
In a way, it isn't wholly a film. It's akin to a concept album, hence the abstract and somewhat nonsensical lilt of the tale. It's more a film of theme and ensnarement than one of narrative, readily apparent in the characters who seem archetypes more than actual people, and in how central music is to almost every sequence. This statement isn't to write off the actors. They simply don't have much to work with, though they do seem to put their heart into their roles, as cartoony as they are.
Further cementing the films place within the male psyche is the videogame-like structure of our band of heroines' quest. Embark on an epic journey to collect 6 different items? Face down hordes of faceless minions? Plug in a controller why don't you. OH WAIT, it's a movie! Gosh I'm funny.

                                           Steam Nazi's Must Die!

Now, this isn't to say I ABSOLUTELY adore the movie. This movie being from a male perspective, it feels distinctly unfeminine, despite the amount of lace and flowery outfits. The film being about male audience expectation more than anything, everything is filtered through this kinda phallic Lewis Carroll gone goth-steampunk thing. This isn't entirely bad, but it does feel cold on a certain level. One can't really be expected to care for the girls uniformly when in truth, they seem to all be aspects of the heroine of the tale. The film also walks a fine line between being unabashedly boyish sexual fantasy and sexual parody. A kinda Barbarella for the 21st century...and with more machine-guns.

And you know what, I like it.

4/5

On a side note, I've yet to hear a female perspective on this film, at least from any friends of mine. I eagerly await, curious as to what scathing things they have to say about it.

Hello you silly goblins. Gather around the fire, light your ciggies in it and toast your bloody mallows, coz you're in for a ride.

What your are about to witness (Or rather read, if being referred to as a goblin wasn't enough to shoo you off) is a vast undertaking of sorts. For eons now I've inflicted my opinions on movies to friends, family, and foes alike, but never to the internet-traveling masses! Now, you, the lucky ones (Yes, lucky ones, bask in that thought) may actually be enlightened by my ever so learned opinion.

So, in general this blog will concern itself with film reviews and the occasional rant on various subjects pertaining to the cinema. I don't claim to be the final word on the various movies and/or subjects I'll talk about, but I do know my stuff. Disclaimer: I'm also a wee bit of a cunt, so excuse any snarky attitude on my part...or not, bear a grudge, hate me for eternity! Tell all your little friends about how terrible I am, how I slammed that movie you found oh so precious that starred so and so who was evidently grown in some lab in a Disney Nazi youth camp. That way more people will check out my blog!

So, I trust your marshmallows are now all golden and toasty? Your cigarettes dampening upon the wet earth? Good, sit back, and prepare ye psyches boys and girls.