Hello you silly goblins. Gather around the fire, light your ciggies in it and toast your bloody mallows, coz you're in for a ride.

What your are about to witness (Or rather read, if being referred to as a goblin wasn't enough to shoo you off) is a vast undertaking of sorts. For eons now I've inflicted my opinions on movies to friends, family, and foes alike, but never to the internet-traveling masses! Now, you, the lucky ones (Yes, lucky ones, bask in that thought) may actually be enlightened by my ever so learned opinion.

So, in general this blog will concern itself with film reviews and the occasional rant on various subjects pertaining to the cinema. I don't claim to be the final word on the various movies and/or subjects I'll talk about, but I do know my stuff. Disclaimer: I'm also a wee bit of a cunt, so excuse any snarky attitude on my part...or not, bear a grudge, hate me for eternity! Tell all your little friends about how terrible I am, how I slammed that movie you found oh so precious that starred so and so who was evidently grown in some lab in a Disney Nazi youth camp. That way more people will check out my blog!

So, I trust your marshmallows are now all golden and toasty? Your cigarettes dampening upon the wet earth? Good, sit back, and prepare ye psyches boys and girls.