Black Death: Plagued by poor story choices.

This movie is fucking disappointing. There, I said it. I spent a few months practically drooling over promotional material for it, stabbing myself in the gut whenever I was reminded that I missed it at Fantasia and saw something else less memorable. Well, now I've seen it, and boy do I have issues with it. Accuse me of ranting if you will, but read on and you may see some credence in what I have to say. Or not.

Set in 1349, "Black Death" chronicles the woeful tale of a monk named Osmund. People are dying by the score (Needless to say) due to the black death and fearing for the life of his beloved, Osmund tells his lady-friend Avril to flee into the outlying woods. He then prays to God to provide and opportunity for him to escape the monastery, and lo and behold, Ulric (Sean Bean) a crazed witch-hunting knight shows up. In need of an escort to lead he and his men to a village where the dead are reputed to be coming back to life, Sean Bean ends up recruiting eager Osmund for the journey. Little does..little Osmund know the nightmare that awaits! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Ah, young love in Plague-infested Europe. What could possibly go wrong?

Now, this movie's story is great, but it's horribly executed. Throughout my viewing of the film, I tried to deny to myself that this was a weak-point, telling myself over and over again that I liked the character, that the film wasn't mediocre, it couldn't be after I spent so long lusting after it! But here it is.
Osmund is a sodding horrible viewpoint character.
Told from his naive boyish point of view, it's obvious the director was opting for a tale of innocence lost, a blood-soaked coming of age story about a loss of humanity in the face of man's evil towards other men. It doesn't work because pretty much every character in the marauding group of witch-hunters is just a damn sight more interesting than wee Osmund. In fact, his character likely would have been all the more interesting IF his gradual descent into madness was viewed through the eyes of the other characters.
Now, Sean Bean's Ulric is a bloody interesting character, and it feels like an incredibly wasted opportunity for the film to not be told from his point of view. This felt painfully apparent from almost the moment he walked on screen. I kept hoping the film would suddenly jump viewpoints and Osmund would be left a supporting character, but NO, the film had other plans for me.

It's a bit like that one sketch, from Monty Python and the Holy Grail..but a teeny-tiny bit more serious.

Other things that make me wish the film was great: Some really nice camera work. Really ominous soundtrack, a great ambiance to the whole film. Some awesome characters and really nitty-gritty fighting and medieval violence. Unfortunately, it doesn't work. I won't go into the finer details of the plot to explain what exactly pissed me off and caused me to face-palm a bunch of times, but by the end the movie falls apart.

Part of this stems from it clearly not knowing what it's trying to tell the audience. Is it a scathing indictment of religious fanaticism? Is it about the hypocrisy of men in general? About dark times bringing about dark actions? I don't even think multiple viewings would enlighten me, considering it feels as though the director dropped all the story elements into a pot and thought "I know! I'll let the audience figure it out! HA! GENIUS!". It's like "The Seventh Seal" written by a congregation of 10 year-old boys.

Now, this isn't to say it's an outright terrible movie, it's just decidedly mediocre. Even if you're going in expecting a fun exploitational swords & gore epic, you'll be sorely disappointed. The movie isn't trying to simply entertain, it's trying to make you think, as though it's a bloody existentionalist medieval movie. It's bloody pretentious in the worst fucking ways, and though it has it's highlights, don't expect the next "Flesh & Blood".
On that note, damn I wish Verhoeven had directed this.